I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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