the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
