I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
