At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You can't motorboat a personality
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
