I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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