Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
