The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
