Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
love makes seman taste better
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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