you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
