i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
