girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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