the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
