I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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