I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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