Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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