He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
