One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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