I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
