before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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