Pappa wants mamma naked
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
