apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
