she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
