apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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