If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
