who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
