So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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