I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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