Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
