how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
