My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
did i just pee glitter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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