At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
