gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
