I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
