This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
