I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
