Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
