your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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