she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
