The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
