TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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