Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
