my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am available for nakedness
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
