Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
