Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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