If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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