Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
