Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
