I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
