I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
