Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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