Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
