I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
