Sponge bath it is.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
