I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
